drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
