Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
