return my video game
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
