yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize