youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
