Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
