my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
