Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
