i permit you to call me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
