Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
