I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
