sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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