Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
