perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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