I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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