Kareoke will never be a sober sport
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
