I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
