Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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