He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
