Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No stitches, just platelets and will power
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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