she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
