I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
