I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
