Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
is wine microwaveable?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
