my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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