I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
