i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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