So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
