ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
