I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You took a bar mat shot.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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