dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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