K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
