i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
