i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
