he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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