hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
