His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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