How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
