im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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