Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize