New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
