He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
