I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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