Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
