I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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