This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize