Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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