Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
