his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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