she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Everyone says I win the strip club
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize