Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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