We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
