So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
