I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
