I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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