Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
