Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
