Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My ass is underappreciated
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
