All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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