I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
