also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
