3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
