We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
