god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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