you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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