But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
