Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
