My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize