make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
