umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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