The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
