if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize