You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
