Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
