that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
