marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
