In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
