awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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