I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
