are you so shy because you have an std?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
no you cant smoke seaweed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
