im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
