i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
