Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
