I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize